How to counter complicity in workplace sexual harassment
Review of Complicit: How Our Culture Enables Misbehaving Men
“It’s [insert year here] – how is this still a problem/still happening/still a thing?” How many times have we heard this in response to any number of insidious issues that won’t seem to go away in society? If we are aware of the problem and perpetrators have been punished, why does this keep happening?
In her book Complicit: How Our Culture Enables Misbehaving Men, speechwriter Reah Bravo asks us, rather pointedly, why so many of us tolerate sexual misconduct in the workplace, especially on the part of straight, cisgender, White men. What is it we’re not fully seeing, addressing, or owning up to? It’s an uncomfortable question to face but calls us all in so we can understand why sexual misconduct continues despite so much awareness of the problem. What exactly are we doing wrong that criminal behavior has not been meaningfully addressed?
This is what workplace sexual harassment can look like
Bravo is one of the women who spoke out about the sexual misconduct and harassment she experienced when she worked for talk-show host Charlie Rose at PBS. She first came forward in 2017, along with seven other women who were employees or aspired to become employees, telling The Washington Post that Rose had made unwanted sexual advances that included lewd phone calls, nudity in their presence, and groping of their bodies. Complicit is a sharp and well-written deep dive into the systemic issues that drive patriarchy and misogyny and how very rooted they are in Western norms (which privilege toughness, individualism, domination, power/status, and a lack of space for nuance or ambiguity).
For example, Bravo shares the experience of a comedian who was sexually harassed by her mentor, a well-known and beloved figure in comedy, over the phone. After she made her accusation public, another famous comedian turned it into a "joke" by saying "B***h, you don't know how to hang up a phone?" But the reality was that the harassment happened suddenly, and the speed rendered the victim unable to respond quickly and rationally. After all, she was speaking with a friend and mentor—someone she respected and admired.
Bravo also relates an anecdote about laughing at sadistic jokes made at the expense of other women. She connects her behavior with the need to belong and connect, which can override our moral judgement. Sometimes, when you’re in an abusive environment, it’s not always clear that you are in an abusive environment.
Why all of us can be guilty of complicity—and what to do about it
I appreciate that Bravo calls on the women who look like her (straight, cisgendered, college-educated) to stand up and realize the “…simple truism that a society's most advantaged individuals are also its least inclined to question the norm,” and that patriarchal norms and behaviors are corrosive to us all, including White women.
I imagine that Complicit may be eye-opening to men and others who may not previously have considered the emotional labor of their women colleagues who have learned to smile, laugh at their jokes, and show sympathy to men colleagues no matter what—or face consequences. Many of us may not be cognizant that those with less authority and power are compelled to keep quiet in the face of misconduct.
Bravo doesn’t let Rose off the hook, though; she makes it clear that what he did to her and others is inexcusable and wrong on a variety of levels. But she also demonstrates that when we zoom out and examine all the players, we start to see why and how sexual misconduct at work persists.
"Yes, Charlie was indeed a kind of predator, and I had been his prey,” she writes, “but I was starting to see an ecosystem that we had both done our part to sustain."
For me, this analysis shone a light on many conversations I’ve had about sexual misconduct in which we struggled to put our finger on what precisely went down and why. What I used to think of as “ghost-like forces” are now visible, thanks to Bravo, which is the first step toward seeking justice.
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